Spuds After Dark- "South of the Border-More Filling"

Spuds After Dark
Episode #2123
"South of the Border-More Filling"



EXT. MEXICAN AIRSTRIP

A small plane lands on a simple airstrip. Spuds hops out of
the plane and looks around. Elko, 30's gritty vet pilot type
steps out behind him. Snyder, 20's big and athletic (Spuds's
tenth partner), trips and falls out of the plane on his face.

ELKO
I will gas up and meet you at the
cantina.

Spuds nods. Snyder dusts himself off and then does some air
kung-fu.

SNYDER
Ready to kick some smuggler ass.

ELKO
Try to keep a low profile, kid.

Spuds trots off towards a small town nearby. Snyder runs to
catch up and trips over some sagebrush.



INT. CANTINA

It fits the bill, tough sweaty dudes wearing bandoliers and
cowboy hats, sexy half-dressed barmaids. The air is thick
with smoke and humidity.

Spuds walks in cool and confident and sits at a table. The
regulars stare at the dog-cum-party animal-cum-vice
detective. The women lick their lips stunned by Spuds'
attitude and smart pastel jacket and coat.

Snyder bursts thru the doors and looks around like a country
boy in the big city. The regulars and disgusted. He sits down
with Spuds. A barmaid comes over.

BARMAID 1
Some drinks for you gentlemen?

SNYDER
Two ice cold Bud-Lights.

BARMAID 1
Exotic tastes, you must be business
men? I will check if we have any.

The fattest, drunkest and meanest of the barflies wobbles
over to Spuds' table.

TOUGH GUY
Grigoes, we drink Mexican beer in
this bar.

He dumps his beer on Snyder's head.

TOUGH GUY (CONT'D)
And your wife will have to wait
outside.

He tires to shoo Spuds out. Spuds stares to him through his
Ray-Bans but does not move. The barmaid returns with two
bottles of El Dub Heavy. Snyder swigs it down. He does a
double take and then spits the beer out all over the tough
guy.

SNYDER
This beer in not ice cold, it does
not taste great and feels filling!

The fight is on. Spuds mule kicks the tough guy and knocks
him out cold. Snyder holds his own with a couple of skinny
guys. Spuds flirts with the ladies. More slapstick fighting.

Police SIRENS BLARE.

Snyder is fighting three guys. Elko dashes in.

ELKO
Spuds, Snyder the fuzz. We need to
run.

SNYDER
You guys go I'll hold them off.

ELKO
We will be back for you kid.

The cops swarm in.
Commercial Break



INT. CANTINA

Spuds tries to rush to Snyder's aide but Elko holds him back.
Thugs beat on Snyder. Elko drags Spuds out a back door. Cops
swarm in and grab Snyder.

MEXICAN COP
Is this the fancy American beer
drinker.

The cop kicks Snyder in the gut.

SNYDER
In the U S of A we like our beer to
have great taste and be less
filling you scum.

MEXICAN COP
Take him to the station.



EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

Small adobe police station and jail. A small barred window is
in back. Spuds and Elko sneak towards it.

Snyder peers thru the bars. The jail cell is in the basement
of the station, about 10 feet below the window. Snyder is
curled up on the floor sleeping.

ELKO
Pssst, kid, wake up.

Snyder stirs, looks at Elko. Spuds moves closer.

SNYDER
Hey it worked! Just like Spuds
planned.

ELKO
The smugglers made contact?

SNYDER
Yeah, they knew I was legit because
of my expensive taste for ice cold
Bud Light.

ELKO
Great job when is the meet?

SNYDER
In an hour they are coming here. We
can get all of the bad dope off of
the street.

Spuds looks over the jail, sniffs the walls. Sneaks around
the station.

ELKO
Looks like he has got a plan, sit
tight.

The front of the station has one large wooden door and two
small windows.
Spuds sneaks a peek thru one and sees that the entire
building is below ground. The two front windows are high
above the room below. Two jailers sit around a table playing
cards.

Spuds dashes off to a nearby bog, points his snout towards a
wheelbarrow.

ELKO (CONT'D)
Fill err up?

Spuds nods and Snyder starts shovelling mud. Spuds runs off
and returns with a long board.

Dashes off again and returns with a long hose. Puts it close
to the jail window.

ELKO (CONT'D)
Mind telling me the plan?

Spuds draws out a map in he dirt for Elko to see.

ELKO (CONT'D)
Brilliant, I will go back to the
plane and attach the hose.

A stretch limo pulls up to the jail. A small overdressed man
gets out and is flanked by two bodyguards. They pull a few
large duffel bags out of the trunk, and enter the jail.

Spuds dashes up after they shut the door and uses the long
board to lock the door shut. He then stars smearing mud all
around the door and door frame sealing any cracks.

Spuds dashes back the window over the jail cell where Elko
waits.

ELKO (CONT'D)
Kid make sure to tell the smugglers
you want to buy all of the bad
dope. Ask if any is left and where
it is.

SNYDER
Alright. What is the plan anyway?

ELKO
Spuds has got something figured
out, so keep a cool head.

Spuds barks and points to the hose and makes and drinking
motion. Then points to the smugglers.

SNYDER
I got it, I think.

The little smuggler and his bodyguards enter the cell.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
Your contacts check out, Mr. Bud
Light. Do you have the money.

SNYDER
It is at the airstrip waiting for
you. Did you bring the dope.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
Of course. We cut it with bleach
and drain-o, did it kill a lot of
your customers?

SNYDER
Yes, I never thought I would be
blackmailed with bad dope. Having
to pay for the good stuff and the
poison just to keep customers
alive.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
Brilliant, No?

SNYDER
I would like to buy all of the bad
dope you have, and then just pay
you off not to make it. Where is
the rest of it.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
I have about 20 kilos in the limo.
The rest we make in this police
station, so we could make some kind
of deal.

SNYDER
Excellent. I smuggled in something
we can use to celebrate. Ice-Cold
great tasting, less filling, All
American Bud Light.

Snyder pulls the hose out from under his bed open the nozzle
and gulps down some beer. Hands it to the smuggler.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
Better than a fine champagne?

He takes a sip passes it to the bodyguards who take a few
pulls.

SNYDER
Would the Policia like some?

Two fat cops waddle in and drink off the hose.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
That is enough.

Snyder tries to shut the nozzle but it is jammed open.

SNYDER
Looks like it is stuck, not much
more beer on the plane would be a
shame to waste it.

Snyder takes another pull hands it to the little smuggler.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
A bit more can't hurt

Spuds and Elko watch with glee. The hose keeps running and
getting passed around. The floor is quickly we with beer.
Everyone is quickly buzzed and in good spirits. Elko looks at
Spuds and shakes his head.

ELKO
When you told me to fill the extra
gas tanks with Ice-Cold Bud Light I
thought you were crazy. Crazy-smart
is more like it.

They high five.

ELKO (CONT'D)
I'll go back to the plane and open
the tap all the way.

Spuds looks back on the jail cell which has devolved into a
drunken homo-erotic scene. All the men are ankle deep in beer
and taking turns spraying each other with beer. They splash
and wrestle and take long chugs off of the hose.

Suddenly beer shoots out like a fully opened fire hose. They
men cannot even hold on to the hose. The bodyguards and cops
are in a beer soaked bliss. The beer level rises. When it hit
the chest of the little smuggler, he realizes something is
wrong.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
I have had enough of this lets go.

He wades out of the cell and towards the front door.

ELKO
I can't watch this. I will go burn
the limo.

Spuds and Elko walk to the front of the jail. Elko starts to
pour gasoline all over the limo. Spuds stares down through
the front window with a cool quiet look.

The little smuggler struggles to climb the stairs with his
muddy feet, falls down a few times. He tires to push the
front door open, then struggles and bashes at it. Snyder
appears behind him.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
You try and trap me?

SNYDER
Are we trapped?

Snyder tries the door with no luck.

LITTLE SMUGGLER
You fool think you can let me drown
and then sneak out?

He dives on Snyder and they fight. The cops and the
bodyguards dogpaddle into the room and try and help while
bobbing in beer. The beer level rises to over nine feet
almost to the windows.

Elko light the limo it starts to burn. Spuds walks up to Elko
and motions in the direction of the airstrip.

ELKO
What about Snyder?

Spuds shakes his head.

ELKO (CONT'D)
Man's best friend?

The start to walk off. The limo explodes.

End Credits