Spuds In Space-New Year New Problem

Spuds in Space
Episode #369Z
"New Year, New Problem"



EXT. SPACE

The Bud Lightship gently orbits a bright blue moon. The moon
circles a huge neon pink planet.



INT. BUD LIGHTSHIP

The halls and decks are quiet and dark. Beer cans,
noisemakers, paper party hats and other "New Years 2130"
ephemera are littered everywhere. Every few feet a crew
member is passed out and sleeping soundly.



INT. BUD LIGHTSHIP BRIDGE

BOTTLE CAP is out cold at his console. SPUDS is snoring
loudly from the command chair. KEGADROID is in deep sleep
mode. RADAR is curled up behind a computer with a half naked
female crew member.

Suddenly Kegadroid springs to life.

KEGADROID
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,
four,

Bottle Cap's head pops up. Deflated balloons are plastered to
his face.

BOTTLE CAP
Oh shit, we are under attack.
Shield check!

KEGADROID
Three, two, one,

BOTTLE CAP
No!

KEGADROID
New Years greetings to all.

Kegadroid plays some fireworks sounds to music and executes a
dance program. Bottle Cap stands up, sways and then sits back
down.

BOTTLE CAP
New Years? Wasn't that last night?
Oh my head.

KEGADROID
We celebrated New Years in Beta
Delta QPZ45 last night. My internal
clock reset to our current location
where it is now the year 2130.

BOTTLE CAP
Current location? I thought we had
parked for new years? Where are we?

KEGADROID
Location is unknown. A few hours
after the new year, you and Spuds
decided to head out into the
unknown regions in a quest to find
the Ultimate Party Planet. Then you
both fell asleep.

BOTTLE CAP
What? Spuds! Wake up.

Spuds raises he head but his tounge remains stuck to the
armrest of his chair. He make a LOW GROAN.

BOTTLE CAP (CONT'D)
I know boss I may have the worst
hangover of my life. It appears we
relocated the ship last night.

Spuds looks at Bottle Cap in shock.

BOTTLE CAP (CONT'D)
To an unknown location.

Spuds picks up a beer and pours it on his tongue to free it.
Then pours some on his dried out dog nose. Spuds then points
at the main computer display.

BOTTLE CAP (CONT'D)
Radar, status report please.

KEGADROID
Officer Radar is not at his
station, sir.

Bottle Cap picks up the PA.

BOTTLE CAP
RADAR! Report to the bridge ASAP.

A moan and then a female gasp come from behind a computer
bank. The female crew member jumps from hiding and runs off
the bridge. Radar slowly crawls out.

RADAR
Oh god, where am I? What happened
last night?

BOTTLE CAP
Who was that?

KEGADROID
First petty officer Luanne from the
Mess Hall.

BOTTLE CAP
You hooked up with a lunchlady!

Radar rubs his head but does not get off the floor. He then
throws up behind the computer bank.

RADAR
A little better. She is not a
lunchlady, she's a mess officer!

BOTTLE CAP
Same thing. We need a status report
now!

Radar hops up and punches a keyboard.

RADAR
Shields normal, weapons check, hull
normal, water and oxygen check.

BOTTLE CAP
We need our location.

RADAR
Looks like we are having a problem
with the navigation. In fact I kind
of remember you and Spuds pouring
beer on the console in some sort of
magical quest.

BOTTLE CAP
Shit. Any other way to find out
where the hell we are?

RADAR
Scanning nearby planets but getting
nothing, no life, no usable
minerals. Oh dear.

BOTTLE CAP
Hostiles?

RADAR
Worse, we are depleted of
Budtonium, we have about 12 hours
supply left.

BOTTLE CAP
Then what?

RADAR
Adrift in space in an unknown
location.

KEGADROID
Forever.

Spuds yelps and jumps out of his chair. Falls down. Runs over
to Kegadroid and points to the digital time display on his
wrist. Makes a rewind signal with his front paw.

BOTTLE CAP
Spuds is trying to tell us
something.

RADAR
Rewind the security tapes? I swear
the lunch lady gave her consent.

Spuds shakes his head.

KEGADROID
I believe the commander is telling
me to set my clock back.

Spuds nods. Holds up three paws.

RADAR
Set it back three hours? Can you do
that Keg?

Spuds pants with joy.

KEGADROID
I can comply with that command but
I do not understand its logic.

Spuds growls, then runs over and hits a giant blue bottlecap
like button on the command console. Lights flash and sirens
BLARE.

BOTTLE CAP
(Over PA)
Code Bud, Code Bud. All hands,
Party Alert, party alert. We have a
New Years Eve countdown locked in T
minus 2 hours and 48 minutes.

KEGADROID
I am not understanding what is
happening.

Radar digs into a cooler built into the console and pulls out
some ice cold great tasting never filling Bud Light. He
tosses cans to every crew member.

BOTTLE CAP
This is going to be tough.

Spuds sets the example choking down one beer then downing
another. He then wobbles over to Kegadroid and opens the beer
tap on his front panel and chugs directly from the tap.

RADAR
The commander is doing a droid
stand!

BOTTLE CAP
Chug, chug, chug!

Radar and Bottle Cap follow suit doing Droid stands and
pounding beers. Soon the main deck is filled with buzzed crew
members. People mingle and dance and above all drink heavily.

KEGADROID
Radar, I demand to know why we are
doing this. Have we given up and
are partying in the face of certain
death?

RADAR
No, Keg. It is the brilliance of
Spuds. He figures if we can get as
smashed as we did last night.

KEGADROID
By recreating the circumstances of
last nights mistake, the commander
hopes to remedy it? That goes
against any statistical model I can
run.

RADAR
Yeah, it is just crazy enough to
work.

Radar turns to the lunch-lady and makes out with her in the
sloppiest and most obscene way possible. The crew CHEERS him
on. The ship slides into total drunken revelry.

NARRATOR
(VO)
Will our space heroes find their
way back home? Will the risky plan
work? Find out next week Spuds
fans!

Roll End Credits.

NARRATOR (CONT'D)
(VO)
Budwiser does not condone operation
of spacecraft or anyother vehicles
while consuming tasty ice cold Bud
Light. Please enjoy Bud Light's
less filling goodness responsibly.